The Sebastian Chronicles: Pre-Departure Paws for Thought

Yo. Sebastian here.

My friends over at Re-Learning American seemed keen to get in touch again, so I thought I'd pop in before the serious packing commences.

Glad you can join me us on my our adventure. Trixie and Tallulah need a big strong bear to accompany them. Just between you and me, they tend to read maps upside down and if I have to listen to Trixie argue with her GPS one more time... well, it won't just be Jesus who's taking the wheel, if you know what I'm saying.

I want you to know that I'll take good care of these girls, as much as any one bear can. I'm the security conscious one among us, and I intend to make sure that their wallets are zipped tight and their money belts are securely fastened. This may not only be about security, I admit. I like to travel in the luggage to warn off any prying fingers as we make our way through the airport, and I have no intention of being wrapped in a sarong and crammed between a stuffed kangaroo and a lacquered monk's bowl, staring down the business end of a didgeridoo. The Christmas shopping in New York was bad enough.

But I digress. I'll keep the ladies under control, and in return they promise I will see more than the daily pillow-fluffing routine. Personally, I'm hoping for some pink dolphins, and a tan.

If you don't hear from Trixie and Tallulah for a while, safe to assume they've been eaten by a bear. Follow me on Twitter to find out where I bury the leftovers bodies.

Bear out.